Personal Soundtrack

Fiona Apple. I did the math three times, I was 9 when the 1996 album Tidal came out. She was 19. What business did I have relating to someone who was so frustrated with herself and the world alike at such a young age? Sixteen years later, she's wise enough to admit that she shouldn't have been so quick to judge back then but she still has no regrets about it either. 

As a fan of music, I acknowledge the power of identity and portrayal to the artist. What a popular artist symbolizes versus how they're being portrayed by the world generates and solidifies their career even if it's a distasteful persona, even if their talent is lacking, even if there talent isn't as strong. This never used to be the standard apparently and Fiona Apple was proof of that. Even though she still is physically attractive, she still defied the notion, whether it be in her eyes which communicated frustrated ennui or when she danced flailing her arms in no particular rhythm almost expelling her song out of her. It's even in her rants of hating to conform to the "standard", of it being another popularity contest that she hated seeinPg herself becoming and forewarned others of being. 

And when she took her hiatus, she left fans wanting her more, hating the compromise of looking for another ingenue substitute. As a fan of hers, getting older, my connection to her got stronger. "The First Kiss" at 9 didn't have the impact it does now when I play it knowing I am desired. And when "Sleep To Dream" is on repeat, I know it validates my need to protect myself. Even when she covered "Why Try To Change Me Now", I found resolve in being myself at times when I was questioning it. 

Now it's 2012, and her album The Idler Wheel... greets me at 24 with a warm welcoming. Her first single "Every Single Night" is still stripped down of any over-production instrumentally. The melody sweetly starts and you can remember the reason why you've always liked her. She's still reminding us about life. Her voice is fearless and the angst she had since the 90's is now translated into a truth that she understands a bit more; she still wrestles with herself and how she fits in the world. It made me happy to hear that. The impact of her always starts out in the guts but I know I've had her reserved in my mind for a long time.  I guess I sensed at 9 that I'd never be far off as that kind of woman.

As long as she still creatively pursues the philosophy of her, she'll still have me in her corner. Solidarity.

Solidarity. Inspired by Fiona Apple.